The following was written by SFL blog team member and Ecuadorian Local Coordinator Victoria Ramirez.
Talking about spontaneous order can be complicated. The idea of a self-generated order that can regulate itself without turning into chaos can be difficult to believe for some, which is ironic giving that most of our daily experiences are spontaneous orders: pedestrians on the streets, flack of birds in the sky, a line in a coffee shop. And the funny thing is that some of the most interesting human experiences are spontaneous orders in their maximum expression.
The other day I was talking to some male friends brag about their love quests (or attempts) from the previous night. As I listened to the way they narrated their adventures I started noticing that all the stories, even though they were of the most diverse nature, had very specific things in common. At the end, I came to the conclusion that hooking up was a process that is conducted by individual planning and is governed by rulest. During this process, knowledge is created and a benefit is produced, i.e. it is a spontaneous order.
You would think is too much theory for something so informal, but as a friend told me: no hook up is the product of destiny. It is the product of someone’s planning and the rules that planning follows.
I asked my friends if they could describe these rules, to which I thought they would laugh at my face and tell me there weren’t any, but it turned out that they could elaborate and agree on a few, and not only that, they were able to establish principles and some common errors to those principles.
- “He who is not willing to risk it, never wins” and the common error “one thing is to risk it, another to be that annoying guy”. In order for you to succeed, you need to be willing to go outside you comfort zone because if you stay inside, you will accomplish nothing.
- Do not try to fake personalities, people can tell. You have to be talkative, but too much will scare away people.
- You have to make the other person feel comfortable. Make them laugh, ask them about themselves, but try not to sound excessively friendly, or you will fall into the friend zone.
All of these rules are actually very simple to understand and not very restrictive. They are guidelines based on previous experiences of trial and error, proven and confirmed by many people, but that does not represent a specific course of action.
The individual planning of every person makes each experience different and unique that is why even though you can have certain guidelines of what you have to do, you find a thousand ways to get to the same place.
In the end what you have is a bunch of people trying to get something, and they know there certain things they should avoid if they want to succeed. Just with these notions, millions of interactions occur in the most diverse ways.
The most important aspect of this is that everything happens at the hands of every individual in the process, not from one single person trying to solve everyone’s problems. Imagine if instead of planning how you´re going to get the girl or the guy that you want to spend the night with, someone else is in charge of deciding who is going home with who. I can assure you, it is not going to work. It doesn’t matter that the guy has the best studies and metrics to decide with whom you are going to have a better time. Controlling lives at any level never works because we cannot know all the things a person knows about him or herself.
It is up to us what happens in our lives, but the planning we do can be enriched by the planning and the knowledge of others. This can only happen if there is no central planner telling us what to do, and we are aware of the things we can and cannot do
Of course everything I’m writing is just an opinion. But the next time you are bored in a party try to imagine how it would be like if someone would plan every minute of it: who talks with who about what, when to dance, when to eat. And the next time you want to hook up with somebody go on and try to do it without a plan. Spontaneous orders are found everywhere, and the moments when you think people cannot be more out of their minds could be the moments were it is more planned than ever.
Disclaimer: of course this is a subjective view, there are a thousand ways to hook up with someone and that rules may change, but the point is that individual planning leads to an order that benefits everyone involved, without a central power planning everything.